THOUSAND OAKS, CA—Oblivious to the unforgiving judgments being passed on him every single day, local 2-year-old Caleb Gibson is completely unaware that he is the sole basis for six couples’ decisions not to have kids, sources said Friday. According to reports, the toddler has thus far failed to recognize that his temper tantrums and messy eating habits have motivated several of his mother’s friends, as well as a couple who were eating near Gibson’s family at a restaurant, to go their entire lives without ever raising children of their own. Gibson also reportedly remains wholly ignorant of the fact that his behavior this past Christmas, which included shrieking for 10 straight minutes after not getting a cookie, was directly responsible for his aunt and uncle’s choice to never procreate, or that stories about staying up all night to take care of him are why one of his father’s coworkers and her husband determined that they would be fine with just a dog. Sources also revealed that Gibson is unaware that he is the reason his own parents have decided not to have more children.
  • Admiral Patrick@dubvee.org
    472·
    2 days ago

    For real.

    Just going to like Walmart or the grocery store and seeing kids screaming and throwing tantrums is like an IRL billboard for condoms.

    • console.log(bathing_in_bismuth)@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      3·
      2 days ago

      Unfortunately, the billboard should have had an impact on the parents of these kids because they obviously can’t raise a behaving child.

      I get everyone is different but there are ways to raise a child to behave without either creating a little terrorist or resort to child abuse.

  • MehBlahEnglish
    414·
    2 days ago

    I’ve come here for the sad rants about kids being terrible from people who were probably terrible kids.

  • reactionality@lemmy.sdf.orgBanned from communityEnglish
    522·
    2 days ago

    This is making fun of rational people making rational decisions not to have kids. Missed the mark completely this time, the onion.

    E: Are you people dense enough that you’re upvoting the onion’s mockery of “not having children” when that’s a perfectly valid stance in today’s world? Wake the fuck up.

  • ALnan@kbin.earth
    1636·
    2 days ago

    My God if you can’t handle a 2 year olds tantrum you should not have a kid.

    • Cheems
      19·
      2 days ago

      So you understood the satirical article

    • techt
      23·
      2 days ago

      Did you bite the onion? What are you contributing here?

    • adarza@lemmy.caEnglish
      24·
      2 days ago

      if, as an ‘adult’, you routinely have tantrums of a two-year-old, you probably shouldn’t be breeding either.